Hello Everyone and Happy Valentine’s Day!
I’ve added a word to my list of buzz words for this year, Evolve. It perfectly describes the journey that I am on in becoming the woman God has planned for me. I have evolved into various roles in the past- wife, social worker, mother, etc. And, in a way those roles helped prepare me for the most recent role of breast cancer patient. This evolution of living as a breast cancer patient and survivor has been both welcomed and unwelcomed.
During this evolution, I have felt a depth of emotional fear and pain that I never knew existed. Unfortunately, I still get glimpses of this pain. I have been following a friend of a friend’s journey with breast cancer. I always feel connected to other mom’s with small children who are fighting the war with this conniving disease. It’s a bond that I feel, a language that we speak, truly being able to say “I understand.” Sadly this mom died about 3 weeks ago leaving behind her husband and 3 young children. I have really struggled with survivor’s guilt. Why her and not me? How are her children feeling today on Valentine’s Day? Who is comforting them? How will their Daddy be strong when he has just lost his true love? This dialogue that I have been having today pushes me towards my new role in a feisty way, with determination and purpose.
My chiropractor told me the other day that perhaps God is using me as an ambassador for good health. Hmmm, I thought. Maybe he is using me as an ambassador for living? I am trying to live better in all areas, not just nutrition. It is an evolution of balance. I do mess up…. a lot. Tonight the family and I had sopapillas for dessert and I yell at my children too much which isn’t good for anyone’s health. I stress about schedules and activities, again not good. Did I tell you how good those sopapillas were!
Just last week I had lunch with a woman who used to run a boutique in the medical center that sold breast forms. The boutique was 2 days from closing when two of my college roommates and I visited it for my first breast prosthesis fitting in 2008. It was an emotional time for me and this sweet woman and all the pretty things in her store were just what I needed. There are plenty of chapters that I can write about how I have evolved from that afternoon at the boutique until now. It is an incredible story- I am getting older, my kids are all in school, Isabella turned 9 three weeks ago, the twins turn 6 this week, my cars are getting older and my marriage is getting older ( in a good way!). This year I will turn 39! I am evolving.
I can’t sign off of my entry without mentioning chocolate- it was all around the western world today! If you didn’t know, chocolate has a significant dose of polyphenols. Polyphenols are a group of chemicals found in many fruits, vegetables, and other plants, such as berries, walnuts, olives, tea leaves and grapes. They are classified as antioxidants, meaning that they remove free radicals from the body. Free radicals are chemicals that have the potential to cause damage to cells and tissues in the body. Polyphenols have been found to possess a variety of potential health benefits, including cancer prevention and reducing the risk of getting heart disease. Some studies have also found that polyphenols lower LDL cholesterol, or “bad” cholesterol, in the body (from about.com). But….. it needs to be dark chocolate with 70 percent or more of cocoa mass to be beneficial. None of this Kit Kat, Snickers or Kisses business. There is a brand of chocolates called Endangered Species that you can find at Kroger, Whole Foods and probably HEB. They sell packs of dark chocolate squares that are really good. At night when you get a sweet tooth, just have yourself a dark chocolate square with a cup of green tea and enjoy!
This photo is of Katie, Shannon and myself at the breast boutique- a day after my first dose of chemo. The start of this new evolution.
Love,
